The Voice in Their Head: Why Self-Talk Is an Important Executive Function Skill

Emily Webb

Aug 16

4 min read

As parents and teachers, we spend so much time teaching children what to do. But how often do we teach them what to say to themselves while they are doing it?

Self-talk packet available on Etsy and TPT. See link below.

Think about everything a child or teenager experiences in a single day.

They wake up late. They forget something. They get a bad grade. A friend doesn't text them back. They have a difficult assignment. They make a mistake. They feel overwhelmed. They have to make a choice.

Through all of it, there is one thing that is always with them:

Their own thoughts and self-talk.

Self-talk is the internal conversation we have with ourselves. It can help us understand what is happening, solve problems, manage frustration, make decisions, start difficult tasks, and keep going when things don't go as planned.

And yet, self-talk is an executive functioning skill that is often overlooked.

What Exactly Is Self-Talk?

Self-talk is the way we talk to ourselves in our minds.

It can sound like:

"I can figure this out."

"This is really hard."

"What's the first thing I need to do?"

"I always mess everything up."

"I made a mistake. What can I do differently next time?"

Most of the time, these thoughts aren't spoken out loud. They happen inside our brains.

Research describes self-talk, or inner speech, as an important tool for self-regulation and motivation, particularly when children are dealing with challenging academic tasks.

That makes self-talk especially important when we're talking about executive functioning.

Self-Talk Is With Us All Day

One reason I think self-talk deserves more attention is that it isn't a skill students use once in a while.

It is happening all day.

A student doesn't just use self-talk during a lesson about self-talk.

They use it when:

Getting ready for school
Deciding whether to get out of bed
Starting homework
Taking a test
Handling a disagreement
Making a social decision
Dealing with disappointment
Asking for help
Managing frustration
Trying something difficult
Deciding whether to follow a rule
Recovering from a mistake

That means self-talk can influence what happens next.

A student might think:

"This assignment is impossible. I'll do it later."

That thought may lead to avoidance.

Another student might think:

"This looks like a lot, but I can start with one question."

That thought may lead to action.

The situation is the same.

The self-talk is different.

Not Every Child Automatically Develops Helpful Self-Talk

This is where I think we need to change our thinking.

We often assume that children will simply "figure out" self-talk as they grow.

But they don't all do that.

Some students may naturally develop encouraging, problem-solving self-talk.

Others may develop patterns like:

"I'm stupid."

"I can't do this."

For some students, particularly students who struggle with executive functioning, self-regulation, emotional regulation, or learning differences, the internal conversation may need to be explicitly taught and practiced.

And that's okay.

We don't assume that a student automatically knows how to organize a backpack, break down a large assignment, or use a planner. We teach those skills.

Self-talk deserves the same intentional teaching.

Positive Self-Talk Doesn't Mean "Just Think Positive"

This is an important distinction.

Teaching positive self-talk isn't about telling students to pretend everything is okay.

If a student says:

"This assignment is really hard."

we don't need to respond with:

"No it isn't! You can do anything!"

Instead, we can help them develop realistic and helpful self-talk:

"This is hard, but I can break it into smaller steps."

Or:

"I don't understand this yet. I can ask for help."

Or:

"I made a mistake. I can figure out what happened."

The goal isn't positive thinking at all costs.

The goal is helpful thinking.

What Can Parents and Teachers Do?

We can start by making the invisible visible.

When a student is struggling, ask:

"What are you saying to yourself right now?"

Then ask:

"Is that thought helping you or making the situation harder?"

And finally:

"What could you say to yourself that would help you take the next step?"

For example:

Student: "I'm never going to finish this."

Adult: "That's a really big thought. What is one thing you could do first?"

Student: "I could get out my materials."

Adult: "Exactly. Try telling yourself that."

The goal is eventually for the adult to fade out of the conversation.

We want the student to eventually ask themselves:

"What's my first step?"

"What can I do about this?"

"Do I need help?"

That is self-regulation in action.

Self-Talk Is a Life Skill

Self-talk doesn't disappear when students graduate from high school.

Adults use it at work, in relationships, while solving problems, when dealing with stress, and when facing unfamiliar situations.

We all have moments when our brains say:

"I can't do this."

The important skill is learning to recognize that thought and respond with something more helpful:

"This is difficult, but I can figure out my next step."

That's a skill students can carry with them long after they leave the classroom.

Why I Created My Self-Talk Packet

As a special education teacher, I know how often we explicitly teach executive functioning skills such as organization, planning, task initiation, time management, and problem-solving.

But the conversation happening inside a student's head can be just as important.

That's why I created my Self-Talk Activity Packet.

I wanted a resource that didn't simply tell students to "think positively." Instead, the activities help students understand what self-talk is, recognize positive and negative self-talk, connect self-talk to choices, practice self-talk in real-life situations, and reflect on their own thinking.

The packet includes activities focused on: